it's past midnight and i'm still wide awake.. maybe i'm just too anxious for what's in store for me on Monday, on my first day of work. yes people, i got a job! Although i've always wanted to work, earn money and buy the stuff that i want without asking $$$ from my parents, there's this unexplainable feeling inside me that doesn't want all these changes.
maybe i'm just too scared to step out of my comfort zone, and let maturity influence my 18-year-old self.. or maybe it's because i'm too nervous to go out there without a teacher that guides you throughout the day or getting up on your own feet ,minus the classmates that help you finish your task.. I was sooo used to having friends (DHANG and AGNES in particular) assisting me in everything i do.. from wiping patient's b*tts, to doing homeworks, they were always there. I've always depended on them for like forever...
that's probably one of those reasons why i'm super nervous right now, i'm afraid of giving all the responsibilities to myself. i'm scared of people leaving it all up to me. worried that i can't do good. that all the things that i learned for the past two years will go into waste.
---and if you add all these things up, the sum would be this: I HATE TO GROW UP! i don't want to grow up! i think all of us experienced this kind of feeling wherein you just want to stop the clock and stay like this forever. being 18 and only having problems with household chores. no other obligations whatsoever..
but sad to say, life doesn't go that way. No matter how i dislike the thought of my evolution as an adult, i can't help the fact that i'm maturing in some ways, that i am growing as a full-fledged woman. and i have to accept that.
With all the changes that are happening and me not accepting it whole heartedly, i just keep telling myself this: "I survived living in LA after leaving my home country, i overstepped all the hardships of nursing school, i surpassed the ever challenging nclex boards, so why in the world would i be sooo scared to transcend in this kind of job?!?!? :)"
Hardships are tests given by GOD in order for us to experience life itself...Whether you have succeeded or failed, results are just outcomes that are perceived by other people.. so who cares?! as long as you did your bestest right?!
To those reading this and are also experiencing this kind of dilemma, hope that this blog entry can inspire you in a little way. and remember, CHANGE is the only permanent thing in this world, so go for it! and embrace every single changes in your life!
maybe i'm just too scared to step out of my comfort zone, and let maturity influence my 18-year-old self.. or maybe it's because i'm too nervous to go out there without a teacher that guides you throughout the day or getting up on your own feet ,minus the classmates that help you finish your task.. I was sooo used to having friends (DHANG and AGNES in particular) assisting me in everything i do.. from wiping patient's b*tts, to doing homeworks, they were always there. I've always depended on them for like forever...
that's probably one of those reasons why i'm super nervous right now, i'm afraid of giving all the responsibilities to myself. i'm scared of people leaving it all up to me. worried that i can't do good. that all the things that i learned for the past two years will go into waste.
---and if you add all these things up, the sum would be this: I HATE TO GROW UP! i don't want to grow up! i think all of us experienced this kind of feeling wherein you just want to stop the clock and stay like this forever. being 18 and only having problems with household chores. no other obligations whatsoever..
but sad to say, life doesn't go that way. No matter how i dislike the thought of my evolution as an adult, i can't help the fact that i'm maturing in some ways, that i am growing as a full-fledged woman. and i have to accept that.
With all the changes that are happening and me not accepting it whole heartedly, i just keep telling myself this: "I survived living in LA after leaving my home country, i overstepped all the hardships of nursing school, i surpassed the ever challenging nclex boards, so why in the world would i be sooo scared to transcend in this kind of job?!?!? :)"
Hardships are tests given by GOD in order for us to experience life itself...Whether you have succeeded or failed, results are just outcomes that are perceived by other people.. so who cares?! as long as you did your bestest right?!
To those reading this and are also experiencing this kind of dilemma, hope that this blog entry can inspire you in a little way. and remember, CHANGE is the only permanent thing in this world, so go for it! and embrace every single changes in your life!
quote to share:
"You have to expect things from yourself,
before you can do them"
-micheal jordan-
"You have to expect things from yourself,
before you can do them"
-micheal jordan-
