Every time I check my FS or multiply account, I always begin to lament how my friends back in Cebu seems to be living immensely better and much greater lives than I do. With all their parties, tagay sessions, laag escapades.. I just can't help but feel sorry for myself. Pitiful in the sense that I always think that people my age are supposed to enjoy this time of their lives. being 19 and just having fun. But for me, fun is such a unreachable feeling right now.
As you all know, i started working almost two months now. Charge Nurse. Graveyard shift. Don't get me wrong.. I love my job. It's just that there is so0o much pressure in this kind of field. There wasn't a day that i didn't felt worried. Restless, i must say. Always apprehensive that what if something bad happens and what if I'm not prepared for it yet. WHAT IF. The feeling wherein you will just have that sigh of relief when you exit from that place.
As I prepare to rest from a night's work, I can't help but wonder on what will be in store for me next? what if the WHAT IFs I've been distressing might happen. Will I be ready to face it. or just be that little quitter who will just give up the fight? Will I be able to handle it as much as I wanted to?
With all these thoughts running constantly in my mind. As a believer of optimism, no matter how i tend to focus on the negative things, i will always try to dwell on the hopeful aspects and be inclined to expect a favorable outcome. As I've said on my EMBRACING CHANGES post, I can't help the fact that i am maturing in some ways. that i am definitely growing up. And with these things that's been up right now, I've realized that as I develop into an adult, I will definitely fall many many times.. whether I get up or not, LIFE will go on, the WORLD will revolve, and TIME will still be ticking. So it's just up to me to continue with the journey or just plainly, give up.
And this time around, i chose the not-so-fun path. Coz come to think of it.. How many 19-year-olds have this kind of success? Not many. So this not-so-exciting thing is definitely worth the hardwork. Time to throw away the security blanket and just do what i need to do. To give my patients the care that they deserve. No matter how i worry about things, ..that's part of life you know. WORRYING. thinking too much. coz after that, there will be an alleviation and an ease to look forward to.
Well, this is my life now. Unexciting. but definitely more full-filling.
xoxo
